It’s never done, is it?

This whole “faith” thing, it seems to keep going. You think that just around the corner you’ll be finished, that you’ll reach the point where you “have faith” – But it never comes, does it?

“It’s not a destination, Tony. It’s a way of living. It’s the very path you walk, of course it doesn’t end!”

I’m here. I’m in Germany. It’s been just about 3 weeks. I’m sitting in a Kaffeehaus, trying to establish some sort of rhythm in my life that includes a once a week coffee/processing time. Because I’m here, and now it’s time to set up rhythms.

I had a rhythm. I developed it over the past 9 months. It was a rhythm of short term stays. 2 weeks, then on a plane or in a car and off to the next place. It was a rhythm of trying new things and being super uncomfortable, but growing a lot. It was a rhythm that included friendly faces and lots of cups of coffee with mentors to process life. It was a rhythm that was ultimately preparing me for a final trip that would take place… a one way ticket to Germany.

We did it. I moved. It was a huge step. But it wasn’t the only step. It wasn’t the last step. And as I am now faced with the task of making new rhythms when my old ones are telling me it’s time to move on, I think that I may have fooled myself into thinking it was the last step.

It takes courage to take the initial plunge into that “big thing” for which we are mustering faith. It takes a whole different level of courage to stay in the water after you jump.

I’m still waiting for this second courage to find me.

On Sunday, I went to church with a friend. During the service we sang a song by an Australian group called “Oceans.” Some of the lyrics from the English version have been ringing quietly in my head this week:

“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, Let me walk upon the waters wherever You would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.” 

I think it’s time to move on. There’s a big part of me that thinks this means a change of location, but that’s not what’s needed now. It’s time to move on to a different kind of courage, that second kind of courage. It’s time to move on to that kind of faith that is found in the living of daily life, the faith that moves beyond the borders of a specific phase or task. The faith that walks the scary path that looks a whole lot like an ocean.

Really, it was the same faith all along, wasn’t it?

Still Wandering,

Tony Cole