Should I even be doing this?
The doors opened to an abnormally packed train. Could this many people really be trying to get to Horb on a Friday morning? There’s one seat left, waiting for a traveler to find his home there.
Was this really a good idea?
The alarm went off, and all I wanted was some more sleep. This tiredness has set in deep in my bones; the nights seem deceptively short, never quiet enough to recharge. Some days it seems that it is getting better, but maybe that’s just me getting used to it. It always catches up.
Maybe I do need more sleep, but I decide nonetheless to get out of bed. It’s Sabbath Day, it’s time to rest. Today, that means mustering some bravery to go somewhere.
The train goes deep into the Neckar Valley, showing off the colors of the woods. A missed connection means there’s time to talk to the Swans at the riverbed. These majestic birds, since when did it become so normal to see them?
How do you make yourself better? How do you heal yourself from sickness? How do you repair from over exertion? You’re an adult, so no one is going to do it for you. Even when you are given time to work on it, the time will run out and more work is coming. On Monday there will be another set of vocabulary, another set of meetings, and another set of tasks.
But it’s Friday, and today it’s ok to run away from the world.
But should I have done it this way? I check the timetables and realize I’ll only have 3 ½ hours at my final destination. Is 6 hours on the train worth such a short time? Maybe it doesn’t make sense, but you’ve got to try it. You have to try something.
The train goes on, twisting around the pine-covered hills of the Black Forest. It’s like a fairytale, and much to the dismay of the book in my hands, a quick gaze turns into 45 minutes of taking in the world around you. Is this really my new home?
The train arrives. The sun shines down on an ancient town set between water and stone, a lake and the mountains. Regal buildings beckon you forth, but there is something that your heart needs first… and so you start walking toward the great expanse of water until… oh… there…
The mountains. The Alps. Majestic peaks on the other side of a vast lake speak softly that all is well, that it’s ok to rest now.
Rest is important. Rest is hard. It’s hard to figure out and it’s hard to understand. It’s not numbing yourself with a screen. It’s not ignoring your life or your problems, but somehow through them and despite them living. It’s finding the place where you wonder again, where you dream again. And it’s getting to the point where you can say yes again and know that it’s good to do so.
And sometimes a day of rest is not just running away from world, but running into the world and coming to peace with your place in it.
שבת שלום
Shabbat. Shalom.
Still Wandering,
Tony