Francine began losing her leaves soon after Christmas. She has been a good houseplant, keeping me and my roommates company when we sit at our kitchen table. Her red and green leaves signaled the coming of Christmas, and though she was only intended to live with us for the 6 weeks up till Christmas, … [Read More]
Naming the Stars
“Do you see that bright one? Good. Now look to the left, like at the 10 o’clock position… do you see the dim lights? There are two of them… now look up and to the right, there’s a cloudy shape…” Never in my life could I have expected this, but there we were nonetheless. Standing … [Read More]
Beating Yourself Up, Jean-Paul Sartre, and also Grace too
“If we make it through this month without hating each other, I will know we really can be friends.” My head was spinning, jet lag lingered in an ache that was settling deep into my bones, and none of the world seemed to even care. Decisions had to be made. Meetings needed to take place. … [Read More]
Questions, Old Walls, and (still) Going through It
“You’ve got to go through it, Tony.” It’s maybe a hundred meters long, jagged stones stacked on one another. Though it is centuries old, the constant presence of young people on its ledge erases ideas of noble conquest or stately affair. No, it is just the Neckarmauer, the wall that runs alongside the Neckar River. … [Read More]
Early Morning Bus Stops and Going Through It
“You’ve got to go through it, Tony.” The sun was well into the sky as I walked down the street to the bus stop at 6:25am. I walked up to the bus driver, and asked if it was ok if I boarded. He obliged, and I found my way to a seat that would take … [Read More]
The Other Side of the Psalms
At 8:50 the alarm goes off. It’s time to grab your things, run to the bus stop to catch the 20. “May integrity and uprightness preserve me…” I put my headphones on, listening to a morning playlist while I find my way to my usual seat. It will take 25 minutes to get to language … [Read More]
Whispers in the Middle
“It gets easier.” Not all at once. Not even gradually. It comes in waves, difficulty. The choppiness seems all-consuming at first, and then you start to find the rhythm of the swells. Anticipation is out of the question… that would be too easy. No, you’re always in the middle of it. There’s no practice run … [Read More]
Sneaking Things
It sneaks up on you, that culture shock thing. You may think it’s happening, but it probably isn’t. You probably don’t think it’s happening, but all of a sudden you’re really sad or really mad or really both all at once and you don’t know why or how… and it’s probably happening. It’s wanting to … [Read More]
Grace, Phenomenology, and Learning to Give In
Grace. I hate you. I love you, but also I hate you. You defy me. “We are a team of grace,” she said. “You must be willing to give grace and you must be willing to receive grace.” My team leader and I had dinner a few nights ago. We talked about a hundred things, … [Read More]
Confessions of a Control Freak
Control. I like it. Too much. I like being able to know what is coming. I like to know details. I like to be able to change things that I think are harmful. I like doing things ahead of time, so that I don’t get surprised. Anticipation. Preparedness. All seemingly virtuous, desirable characteristics. That is, … [Read More]