Heimweh

  Gasping. It’s like gasping for breath. Deep in your chest, a moment of longing for something, like the feeling right before you run out of air. Pain, maybe. A tinge of sadness. But longing, definitely longing. Homesickness looks different after sixteen months in my new home. It is less born from anxious instability or … [Read More]

Whispers in the Middle

“It gets easier.” Not all at once. Not even gradually. It comes in waves, difficulty. The choppiness seems all-consuming at first, and then you start to find the rhythm of the swells. Anticipation is out of the question… that would be too easy. No, you’re always in the middle of it. There’s no practice run … [Read More]

Confessions of a Control Freak

Control. I like it. Too much. I like being able to know what is coming. I like to know details. I like to be able to change things that I think are harmful. I like doing things ahead of time, so that I don’t get surprised. Anticipation. Preparedness. All seemingly virtuous, desirable characteristics. That is, … [Read More]

Fear. Faith. Four Weeks.

“But what no one has the right to do is let others suppose that faith is something inferior or that it is an easy matter, when in fact it is the greatest and most difficult of all.” – Søren Kierkegaard, Fear and Trembling Let me confess, there is nothing easy about this. This. This life. … [Read More]

Putting Down Roots

“You have to put down roots.” The only thing more troubling that she could have said came next: “And if you are going to put down roots somewhere, that means you cannot hold on to roots elsewhere.” Like an arrow aimed straight at my heart, Michal Ruth’s words cut through my ribs to the tender … [Read More]